


drown me underwater to hide me from the reflection

by hackercatz (tsunbrownie)



Series: new world order [3]
Category: Persona 5
Genre: Body Modification, Dream Sex, Extremely Dubious Consent, God!Akira AU, Implied/Referenced Mind Control, M/M, Mind Manipulation, Multi, Other, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sexual Coercion, Tentacle Dick, Tentacle Sex, someone SAVE GORO, tagged twice bec both of them have tentacles, this is 80 percent angst and goro crying, weve finally done it boys. we've crossed the river to hell
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-18
Updated: 2020-02-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 19:34:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22571086
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsunbrownie/pseuds/hackercatz
Summary: "Sometimes the truth is better off being forgotten," the creature murmurs, the hands affectionately roaming all over his body, "sometimes it's better to look the other way, pretend it's all fine. You refused to make that choice, so I didforyou."Or: Goro remembers what he shouldn't have. Two people rectify that for him.
Relationships: Akechi Goro/Kurusu Akira, Akechi Goro/Loki, Akechi Goro/Persona 5 Protagonist
Series: new world order [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1616374
Comments: 11
Kudos: 118





	drown me underwater to hide me from the reflection

**Author's Note:**

> %s!nk

He wakes up in a dark world all alone.

Though he thinks _waking up_ is an inaccurate phrase to describe it, considering Goro can be ninety-nine percent sure that he's still asleep— _he comes to be at a dreamscape_ may be a more accurate way to describe it. Nonetheless, he stands completely naked, not even with his usual collar, staring into the world of dim and grey, an obsolete scape where there is nothing interesting to call unique. 

Having nothing better to do, he pads forwards on the ground, soft and sandy, easy on the foot. The direction doesn't matter here, so he chooses left from where he's standing, humming to himself as he just continues. 

Then, the onyx sand becomes wet and sticky, turning to black mud, then the water level begins to rise. Goro can't see where the water is coming from, can't feel the waves; all he can be sure is that it is rising in an utterly horizontal fashion, like someone's draining the water out of the tub except on reverse. The water is opaque in its blackness, eating away the very dim light surrounding this world. It splashes lightly against his ankles, and he makes a light hum—the water is warm, eerily close to body temperature.

He wanders aimlessly for a while, although he doesn't know just how long: just like space doesn't have a place in this world, neither does time. With the water splashing around him, he pads forward and forward, turns left, right once, humming to himself pleasantly all the while. This place, despite its eclipse and dulled senses, envelops him a surreal sense of comfort.

"It has been a while," a voice speaks up behind him, and he instantly whips behind on his heels, ready to challenge or question the newcomer with a barrage of questions. Yet whatever he was about to say dies in his throat when he looks at him—or rather _it_ , a creature covered with thin zebra-like black and white stripes, surrounded by chains. Where its face would be rather lay a pair of horns protruding from its eyes and reaching behind his head like a thorny crown. 

Something in Goro's hearts _twists_ upon seeing this creature, not out of terror or confusion but something more visceral and vacant, something he can't quite name. The _word_ is so close, yet it slips from his mind every time he tries to grasp at it. Goro exhales a breath he didn't know he was holding, then trots onward, with absurd confidence that this monster would not harm him. "Excuse me," Goro asks curiously, "but where is this?" 

"You really don't remember me," the creature blinks in surprise. "How curious. Usually you recognize me when you see me." 

"Do I know you?" Goro questions, genuinely curious. There's something _nostalgic_ about this being looming in front of him, certainly, but he comes up empty when he tries to delve deeper into that melancholy. Not that Goro's list of acquaintances is long: if he were to exclude Akira, he could count them off his fingers. Considering how demanding Akira _is_ , it's unavoidable. 

The creature makes a disapproving noise, stays silent. When it speaks again, it doesn't reply to his last question, but instead waves its limb around the desolate world. "Once a fortress stood here," the creature turns, its chains splashing in the dim water, "an impenetrable garrison of memories on eternal lockdown, beautiful and tempting and _utterly_ unreachable." 

"There is nothing here now," Goro blankly states, because nothing _is_. Except for the murky, slimy water up to Goro's ankles, not even a remnant of such magnificent structure can be found. "There's something... deploring about that, because if what you're saying is true, it means the world wouldn't have looked like this in the past."

Loki smirks, coming closer. "Indeed it _has_ been, young master. A beautiful landscape for one to flee to in times of... dire emergencies." 

"Is this really my dream?" Goro asks curiously, because this seems quite dim to be his own mindscape, "or did you bring me somewhere else?"

"Your dream, or not your dream, that is all subject to how you classify how far the word _you_ encompasses in this particular instance." 

His eyebrows draw together in confusion. "I don't understand." 

"You wouldn't, not as how you are now," the striped monster makes a low noise, then bows to him succinctly. "You may refer to me as Loki."

_Loki_. That was the word that was constantly slipping away from his mind. He wonders what that means for a second and introduces himself back politely, "and I'm Goro." 

The beast—Loki—waits patiently, and cocks its head curiously when he doesn't continue. "That's it?" 

Something about that behavior ticks Goro off, so he briskly huffs back, "yes, it is. Why would I need a name longer than that? All I need is my _name_." 

"A name defines you," the creature speaks, "losing it would mean you have lost a piece of yourself."

Goro thinks about it. It makes his head hurt, so he stops thinking about it, shakes it around to vanquish the migraines. "You talk in a really vague and strange way I can't understand. But for some reason, I want to," he squints his eyes, opening drawers in his head, but constantly coming up with empty pages, "want to understand. You remind me of someone. Maybe someone. Are you a metaphor?" 

"You could say I'm the _key_ ," the striped creature reaches forward, brushing its claws against his cheeks delicately. "The box of answers." 

"Then you can tell me," Goro's curiosity shines as he pipes up eagerly.

"Perhaps why I speak so vaguely would mean you don't want to know," Loki smirks, now its digits softly touching Goro's loose auburn locks. "Some truths are better off burrowed deep and forgotten."

" _My sole interest is to uncover the truth,_ " Goro murmurs in an oddly reminiscent mood, and hiccups. He doesn't remember hearing or reading such a phrase before, but it feels far too familiar. Just like the looming monochromatic partner of his.

They must have been related in some way, because suddenly its expression morphs into something more terrifying at that, and Loki suddenly seems more enthusiastic at sharing whatever he is hiding. "Do you truly wish to know? It would be painful, almost as if someone is seutering out your heart." 

That's terrifying, but that phrase has awoken something in him, something long forgotten in his heart, that Goro nods determinedly and cradles his cheek against the creature's hands. "Yes," he declares, "I want you to do it."

At that, Loki snaps its fingers, and the world goes blindingly, painfully white. 

He can't even begin to process the overbearing emotions all flowing into in his heart, the pain and the sorrow and the fury and the _void_ and he can't suddenly breathe, completely overtaken, body petrified in fear. He crumbles to the floor, the strange liquid getting all over his body as he curls into a ball, and screams, "no, no, I'm _begging_ you, please, stop, I don't want, just stop, please _stop—_ "

The creature's claws stop clutching at his head and all those feelings suddenly flee from him, and he heaves in heavy breaths of air, desperate to shake off the remnants of that feeling. "W-What _was_ that, what—" 

Loki's expressions are dark, although Goro can't quite explain how he can tell—it's a visceral, innately-prompted feeling. "I've warned you. That didn't feel very good, did it?" 

Goro nods furiously, still shivering from the assault. Yet, the touch, somehow fever hot and glacial cold at the same time, evoked something in him. It felt _far_ too familiar, and it tugged something in his past—his _past_? What past?—and he can't just stop trembling, what's _wrong_ with him—

"Sometimes the truth is better off being forgotten," the creature murmurs, the hands affectionately roaming all over his body, "sometimes it's better to look the other way, pretend it's all fine. You refused to make that choice, so I did _for_ you."

"I can't," Goro shuts his kids tightly, "I don't... I don't want..."

"I know," the silky serpent reaches forward, power fluctuating around it as its claws reach lower, lower until they're brushing against his cock and cracks. "I can help you forget, if you merely offered yourself to me." 

That snaps him out of his migraines and he flinches as he jumps out of the creature's grasp with a wet gasp. His movement sprays the gooey slime everywhere. 

"My, my," Loki smirks, grabbing and trapping his wrist. "I suppose it has been a while since we did this dance, young master?"

"Stop calling me that," Goro sniffs, the words tasting so toxic in his mouth. "I'm not your master, I don't know you, and I—" 

The ghoul stops, contemplating at those words, then smiles, sinister intent in its wake. "Yes, I suppose not. You truly aren't my master anymore," then Goro gives a full body wrack because he feels something moving under his feet, slimy appendages, and he knows what is going to happen next from experience. 

"No, no, get _away_ from me—" 

"Now you're just plainly hurting my feelings, _Goro_ ," the creature bites viciously as its extended tentacles—black and hideous and nothing like Akira's slick and filling ones—curl around his ankles and trap him from fleeing. As Goro sits there, trembling and terrified, crying out for Akira, the ghastly monster brings its limbs higher and higher, one brushing against his soft cock's head and another against the cleft of his ass. When Goro tries to twist out of the grip, Loki snaps viciously, "you don't want to disappoint _your_ master, do you?" 

Goro's breath stops in his throat. _Akira_. "H-He's watching? Right now?" 

"Of course," it smirks, pointing at an area behind him. "And he expects you to _submit_."

Goro instantly whips behind him to where the finger is directing. He can't see him, but then he does feel his presence, heavy and solid against the back of his mind, and it instantly calms him, relaxes him. Akira is in his head. Akira will take care of him. Whatever this thing is, if it ever gets out of line, Akira will deal with it. 

Yet along with his usual absolute need to submit to Akira, a queasy feeling joins in and he stutters, avoiding the creature's eyes. He doesn't want to do this, even with Akira telling him to, because he's _not—_

"The effect really _is_ wearing off," Loki sighs as it leans closer, staring into Goro's pupil. "Considering how much Kurusu keeps you on your knees despite your true nature, I suppose it's inevitable. Even separated from me, you can't help yourself from... Open your legs, Goro, or I'm going to have to do what I've done to you before, but _far_ worse." 

Goro shudders as a slimy and chill limb presses against his hole, and flicks his gaze to where he can feel Akira, then reluctantly spreads his legs. The water that was once splashing against his feet is now up to his calves, and because of it he can't see how many of these appendages are curling around him, but he knows it isn't just these two. The curious tentacle, slick from travelling around the water, easily fits the head past Goro's ring of muscle, sinking in deeper to violate him properly, thickening within him, and Goro whines. It's _cold_ , closer to a lizard's body temperature over a human's, and it feels far too foreign within him. 

"So loose, even here. You can't help yourself from opening up that ass of yours," Loki hisses, suddenly the limbs keeping him tied down biting into his skin as the shaft inside of him expertly presses down against his prostate eerily quick. "I shouldn't have let him do that to you, but when he offered me this, how could I have possibly refused? Freedom from merely being a mask, and," a rod slips between Goro's fevered pants, and it travels deep into him, thrusting down his throat, until his entire mouth is filled with the strange black tentacle, " _you_."

Goro moans as he tries to relax his body, mind a singular chant of _Akira'swatchingAkira'swatchingheneedsmetobegood_. Despite the difference in temperature and his own discomfort, his body is trained to respond positively to this type of assault that he soon loosens up, cock jumping hard between his thighs as he tightens around the intrusion in his ass and swallows obediently against the limb filling his mouth. Loki moans as he does, reaching forward to run the claws down his locks and twist his face up, fondly patting his cheeks.

"Hard from _this_ , even when you don't want it," the creature coos as it sends a separate, string-like tentacle to tie the base of Goro's cock tightly. His cock jumps painfully as the flesh digs in, and Loki laughs as it drags a claw against the head to drag the precome there, playing with his sticky cock leisurely. "So wet, too. But you can't come until we've had our proper fun, and until I'm sated with you." 

Goro feels the corner of his eyes go dark as his mind enters the familiar state of cotton-blankness. He nods in defeat, no other choice ever having been an option, and opens his eyes half-lidded and lets the creature use his body to its full extent.

It doesn't hesitate as he does, keeping him suspended as it rams its rods into him, all of them far too cold compared to his body temperature. It doesn't even care that Goro isn't responsive; forcefully takes the pleasure by violating his prone body. 

All while Goro is trapped in a perpetual pinnacle of pleasure, hard cock kept hard by a stray string, tightening particularly viciously every time his cock jumps desperately to spray semen everywhere. 

Around the ninth—or was it tenth? Eleventh? Goro can't count, not like this—the beast that's been silently indulging against his body suddenly begins to shout and scream, a barrier that kept him wound tight and quiet shattered by the lust. 

"Kurusu couldn't help himself from turning you into a proper whore, although I can't complain... When I'm the one who let him in here to let him do this to you in the first place..." Loki hisses as he pounds in viciously, painfully striking against Goro's prostate to have him tighten against the limb in his ass, the moaning, choked cries only driving his sadistic urges. " _Fuck_ ," it bites down a curse as the three shafts—one in his mouth, two in his ass—comes simultaneously, completely flooding his body with come. Goro shudders as he feels the come, no longer containable by his ass, begins to cream out around the double plugs. 

Goro comes simultaneously—dry, the only possible option with the unyielding binding forcing his cock hard for the creature's pleasure—and cries out as he hears something in the corner, of his mind or from here, he's far too gone to determine. 

_I am thou, thou art I._

"No," he moans around the dark fluids leaking from his mouth and nose, " _nononononono..._ Stop... You're supposed to listen to _me_..."

"We're not finished here until I say we're finished," Loki smirks as he tightens his fist against Goro's neglected cock, earning a scream and a thrash, "gotta get your mind soft and malleable for Akira to come and rip out pieces of. If you're going to blame anyone, blame him for letting this happen to you." 

Before he can ask what that means—his words long been stolen away from him—the tentacles come for him again, and Goro blissfully blacks out.

* * *

By the time those harsh strings release him, Goro is nothing but a stringed-up doll, barely conscious and moving only out of inertia. The water now reaches up to his breast, and they're cold now—not freezing hard, but low in temperature enough that Goro finds himself shivering, teeth clicking together. He keeps his eyes shut in terror because he's afraid when he opens them, the creature would return again and take him all over again.

He feels a presence, staggering and blazing, incandescent like white sun. Goro whines as it reaches closer, closer, stopping in front of him. 

Then it kneels, and _it_ becomes a _he_. "Goro," Akira questions softly, reaching forward to flick away stray auburn strands on his face. " _Goro_."

Usually when they do something like this, he'd be filled with the warm and fuzzy feeling that he's done what he was asked to, been the good boy Akira needed him to be—but not now, the tightness twisting his stomach and fear filling his lungs completely incapacitating him. 

He doesn't understand why, why Akira let this happen. He can't understand _anything_ anymore—every time he tries, it only hurts, feels like something's stopping him from breathing, from living. And suddenly the dam breaks—and _everything_ suddenly comes pouring in, the horror and terror and all the other negative emotions that's been suppressed so long for the sake of pleasure, with the realization that this isn't normal, that this isn't _okay_.

Akira wouldn't do this to him. The Akira he knew, he would never do something like this to Goro because he _loved_ him, so _why—_

"Akira," Goro moans, coughing up black goo, " _Akira_ ," he repeats, tears rolling down his eyes.

"Ssh," the God reaches forward, rubbing away the tears. "It'll be alright soon. It won't hurt anymore. This was a necessity." 

"What have you _done_ , Akira," he hisses, his frame shaking from being violated forcefully by Loki's slick limbs, "What have you fucking _done to me_ , Kurusu Akira. Who even am I—" 

Goro flinches as one of the appendages brush against his sensitive hole. Unlike Loki's, which were cold and slimy, Akira is fever-hot, and _far too much_. The raven's expression darkens at the terror that flashes by his lover's face, but pushes in, sinking deep into the already-used, slick crevice. "Focus on this."

"I don't want this, any of this, and you—you just—Akira, what did you _do_? What did you do to me? To _yourself_?" 

The raven doesn't reply, merely thrusts rhythmically, gently against the prostate, earning a full bodily wrack from the brunette. He walks forward until they are so, so close that their noses are touching, and Goro feels Akira's hands—not one of the tentacles, but his leather-bound fingers—cradling his face as he tilts them upwards, so that their eyes are meeting. Akira rubs away a trail of tears as he wraps another tentacle around Goro half-hard cock, playing his body like an instrument as he drives Goro to higher and higher planes of pleasure, unwanted or not. 

"I really love you, Goro," Akira murmurs reverently, his voice so uncharacteristically subdued. Goro heaves up sobs as he feels the appendages stiffen and spray its hot, white liquid into his ass, still trying to twist away from him with no avail. "All I'm asking for you is to love me too, _please_?" 

"Not like this," Goro—that's not his only name, what was it, _what came after?—_ begs, trying to turn away from the extended limb jerking him to completion. "I didn't, not like _this_..."

"Wrong answer," and Akira drags his underwater—drowns him, overtakes him, and he stops to _be_. 

* * *

A plane of nothing, so much nothing that it has become its distinct characteristic. The water that has once filled this place to the brim has all been drained out by transcendental power, only leaving the fine sand—once bricks of a magnificent fortress and now reduced to pulverized pieces, completely unrecognizable—in their wake. 

Akira stands in the empty world silently, carefully cradling Goro's unconscious body and running his gloved—black leather, gone soft from so many uses, Akechi's old pair—hands down the sandy locks, connecting their minds together to remove unneeded emotions, memories and feelings from the malleable figure and to lock them back into the Pandora's Box. 

This world was beautiful once upon a time. Before Akira came across it and destroyed everything for a very selfish, egocentric reason. Razed to the ground, only because of his unquenchable thirst to control. 

Once the process is done, he places Goro's sleeping form down on the dry sand with great care, face contorting in countless regretful emotions. The brunette makes a weak sound, so vulnerable and needy, and Akira presses a kiss to his forehead as he rises to reach forward to the other guest inhabiting this world. 

Akira doesn't have to go far—not that space has any meaning here, in Akechi Goro's mindscape—to find Loki retracted from his monster-like Persona form and into a more familiar, nostalgic outfit of Black Mask, the helmet between those deadly sharp claws. 

"Loki," Akira murmurs, unimpressed when the other doesn't respond, calls him by a different name. " _Akechi_."

"Hn," the masked one hums to the air, "I guess I am, at least when I'm like _this_." 

"It's done," the raven states, messing around with the gloves donned on his hands. He always wears them when he comes here, to this subdued world he's torn down with his bare hands to reach the crown jewels in the center of the fortress. 

"You know, he didn't recognize me today," Loki starts conversationally, but Akira isn't a fool to not know that it's accusatory. "He's never been _fond_ of me using his body, but today, he didn't genuinely recognize me upon seeing me. I had to introduce myself to him." 

Akira knows what he's done to—is doing to—Goro's mind is beyond what a human could handle; any lesser being would have crumbled under the stress, mind fracturing to million pieces and becoming a soulless coil. The only reason why that hasn't occurred to Goro is because he's made a deal with Loki a long, long time ago—that he'd free him the shackles of being a mere ego in turn for access into Akechi's mindscape, _this_ place.

"Each and each day he becomes less the man you knew and more merely whatever you want him to be," the glare burns behind the mask, "how longer will you keep up this ridiculous pretense? When will you ever be _pleased_?"

_You're insatiable_ , Goro has a habit of telling him. He just doesn't know how much. How much Akira needs him by his side, no matter the cost. 

Akira, he suddenly feels very, _very_ angry. Ever since he's taken pieces of Yaldabaoth's powers he's become far more subdued, but this feels like all that suppressed anger leaking out of the pot, finally, consequently. "And what am I _supposed_ to do? Leave him to realize everything, kill me, then ultimately destroy himself? You died," his voice cracks, "you _died_ for me."

"It was the only thing he did that he never regretted," Black Mask mutters, avoiding his eyes. "It was the only thing I did of my own volition. Why can't you just respect my own decision?" 

"No," Akira hisses as he reaches forward, wrapping his tentacles around the masked assassin's claws. "No, no, not if that means I'll lose him again. I—"

Suddenly a glowing, flaming card of crimson sits on Loki's clawed hands, and Akira takes a step back out of self-preservation, the appendages all retracting back into him and away from the fiery light. Loki's eyes gleam in the same manic bloody red reflective of the wild card as he smiles with far too much teeth. "Are you _sure_ that is the choice you wish to make, your Eminence?"

"You..." Akira hisses, his wings and inhumane form protruding despite his careful insistence to keep them hidden. Every other creature in existence would have cowered from the sheer power he exuded, yet Loki only draws his eyebrows together as his face turns to an even uglier sneer.

The card morphs into a proper sword—all serrated edges and magnificent glow—with a flick of Loki's hands, and Akira bears his teeth. "The _single_ weapon that can kill you in this whole universe, but you can't destroy it because it's tied to the one person that you only care for. How ironic, isn't it?" 

"That is not yours to wield, _creature_." 

"No, this isn't my weapon to use," Loki concedes, "it's my master's, the one I helped you rip into pieces until he's become nothing more than a mindless doll for you to play house with. But do not dare to forget this, _Kurusu_ ," the creature growls, "one day he will return, and he will be disgusted to see what you've become. Just as _I_ detest what you've become," the crimson tint of his orbs glow from behind the helmet menacingly. 

"It didn't have to be like this," Akira murmurs, unable to hide the regret, because he does love every single flaws and errors of Akechi Goro. That countless layer of personality along with their tête-à-tête was what had him fall for him in the first place, after all. He never wished to do this, to break everything down to the ground, because that was never _his_ decision. "You don't have to leave, I know you love me, too—"

"I _loved_ you," Akechi hisses, the cold facade broken and his indifference utterly shattered, "but I don't even _recognize_ you anymore." 

With that, the masked one takes leave, all grandiose and impudent strides, vanishing into the darkness. Soon, the God is alone, standing alone in this voided mindscape that is his own creation. 

Akira sighs into the air. 

"Hn," the collapsed bundle mewls into the air, " _Akira, Akira_ ," the brunette whispers sorrowfully, voice reverent and still lodged in his own dreams—the dreams of his dreams. 

The only other subject of his attention in this world gone, Akira instantly turns towards his lover and collects him back into his arms. "Honey, you're dreaming," he breathes out, rubbing Goro's eyes open and drawing him close so his head is lying on Akira's chest, letting his steady—far too unnaturally, no humane hiccups between the beats—heartbeat be heard. 

Once Goro slips out of unconsciousness to the world of semi-consciousness, he gasps and instantly moves forward to clutch Akira's shoulders, clutching him in a painful hug. Akira bites his lips as Goro chokes out heavy tears, still processing everything. "No, no, no, please, I don't want, don't wanna, please st—"

" _Goro_ ," Akira commands in his highest authoritative voice, and the brunette instantly stills, breath stopping. "You were dreaming. You're awake now, _look_ at me." 

The dim bloodshot eyes land on Akira with that order, and once recognition settles in, he begins to relax, breathing out steadily and trembling body coming to an halt. "Had a nightmare," Goro shakes his head, "an evil monster t-took me and an even worse monster made me cry, used me and drowned me..." 

Akira bites his lips in discomfort—because as being a lord of cognition gave him easy access into one's psychology, Goro's unique position as a wildcard along with the emotional impact of having one's mind torn apart meant the experience stuck around in _some_ way. It was never possible to leave such an impactful difference to one's psychology without leaving a hideous scar of some sort. "It's gone now, isn't it?" The raven states, patting his hair softly. "I'm here now. Such a creature won't get to you while I'm here, and I'll never let you be alone." 

The only monster allowed around Goro is himself, after all. 

Goro hums appreciatively, expression turning to dazed fondness. "'ll never leave you too, 'kira. I love you, love you so much..."

_Liar_.

"I love you too," Akira whispers back, means it more than anything, yet it still all feels so hollow. "Let's get out of here. Let's go home." 

"Right, home," Goro smiles up at him, his eyes even more vacant than before, another piece of his soul torn apart from him. Akira avoids them, in a desperate attempt to avoid the consequences of what he is doing, all that he has done as the blinding light becomes even brighter and swallows them both, leading them to the real world.

**Author's Note:**

> i really have no fucking idea how symbolism works. also this fic just took this long because i really don't like writing noncon
> 
> royal in 2 days for me! gonna try to finish rtz and ONE piece ive just thought of in my horny delirium. but i probably won't be able to. i hate my life. i just want to nap


End file.
